Employee of the Month
Dear Mr McDonald,
I have recently visited one of your fine dining restaurants and feel that perhaps some of your more highly qualified staff are going rather under-appreciated. It would be very gracious of you if you could kindly hear out my concerns.
On Sunday morning at 4am, which I hear is the best time to experience your menu as it pulls some of society’s most notable of characters into it’s depths, like Brett Stewart- I hear he says you have the best beef in town!. Anyway, my colleagues and I encouraged our driver, whom I believe was middle eastern, to chaperone us to your establishment for some gourmet delight. However, when we arrived we were not allowed entry but asked to use the ‘drive through’, some sort of innovative mechanism now being used in Hatted restaurants due to over capacitation, i’m sure. If I had known this was the case I would have booked ahead.
Nonetheless, this is not the problem.
On being served at the ‘drive through’ we were greeted by a very hairy man, with mutton chops and an incredibly robust gut, whom I believe went by the name of Nick even though his name tag said Nicolas. I’m not sure that you know this Mr McDonald, but Nick is surely at least 28. I was under the impression that your policy on employment was to grow and groom them while they are young and then set them free in to the wide world of gourmet dining.That is what Matt Moran does over at the Paddington Inn Bistro, but I’m sure you know this and have swapped recipes time to time. So you understand my shock when I learnt that Nick was not even the head chef but merely the front of house. Have you kept Nick all this time for your own selfish desires? For the last 16 years? You’re only meant to clip their wings, not cut them off.
Not to mention that your exotic dishes aren’t proving advantageous to Nicks life beyond work. I fear that he needs to have a health check up very soon. He seems a nice fellow though, very eager to please. He wanted to broaden our cultural experiences so he provided us with these julienne potatoes from France. They were delightful. But I was not Happy after my Meal like you promise. All I could think about was poor hairy Nick, forever doomed to live at home with his Golden Girls mother and navigate his way around skinny, acne ridden teenagers all day wondering why he didn’t take up that internship when he was 15 at the highly famed poultry house, KFC. And although Nick seemed to enjoy the idle banter with me and my colleagues as we joked about the current state of our economy, he seemed very shy. Perhaps you could create a window for him that doesn’t frame his head so harshly. And perhaps you could provide him with a uniform without vertical striping. I don’t think it’s very flattering on him. I’m sure Nick feels the same way.
Apart from that, your take on modernism is exciting. I like that you aren’t afraid to use bold colours in your decor and the minimalism in your furnishings is just genius. Your use of pop art, statues and the art deco nature of your beaming restaurant sign is also inspiring. If you look after your staff well, I’m sure you will have a booming business on your hands in no time.
Kind regards,
